A Friend To All The Little Guys
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Here is the beginning of my one-act play, A Friend To All The Little Guys. It can be found in
my published anthology The Twisted Mind of Daniel Guyton (Poetry and Plays in the Dark
Comedy Vein). If you are interested in reading the whole thing, please contact me at click
here to email. All producers are required to include the author's name on any programs
or advertising in which the title of the play appears. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy the
show!! :O)
-Daniel Guyton
A Friend To All The Little Guys
A Play in One Act by Daniel Guyton ©2002
----------------------------------------
A FRIEND TO ALL THE LITTLE GUYS
FRANKIE MARCO
JEFF WAITRESS
(FRANKIE and MARCO are in a diner, drinking coffee. Two chairs are at their table. JEFF is
hidden in a corner, reading. FRANKIE seems uptight)
FRANKIE: I can’t believe we’re talking about this.
(MARCO sips his coffee. FRANKIE shifts uncomfortably)
MARCO: What do you mean?
FRANKIE: I can’t believe we’re talking about the… the…
MARCO: What?
FRANKIE: The…
MARCO: Listen.
FRANKIE: The…
MARCO: You’re overreacting.
FRANKIE: What do you mean?!?
(MARCO shrugs, calmly)
MARCO: We’re not talking about anything. We’re just… talking.
FRANKIE: Yeah, but…
(MARCO takes FRANKIE’s hand in his)
MARCO: Listen. Nobody’s asking you to get hurt here.
FRANKIE: I’m not…
MARCO: You trust me, right?
(FRANKIE looks for an escape)
FRANKIE: Yeah. I just…
MARCO: Then relax. It’s gonna be fine.
FRANKIE: I just don’t feel right.
MARCO: You’re fine. No one’s gonna know.
FRANKIE: What about…
MARCO: No one.
(Pause)
FRANKIE: What about Jeff?
MARCO: He knows.
FRANKIE: He knows?!?
MARCO: Well, it was his idea.
FRANKIE: Oh god. Oh god. This is stupid.
MARCO: You’re stupid. This is the deal of a lifetime. You’re not gonna get hurt!
FRANKIE: I just…
MARCO: Hang on. (Calling out) Hey, Jeff!
FRANKIE: Oh god!
(FRANKIE sits. JEFF folds down the paper.)
JEFF: Yeah?
FRANKIE: Oh fuck me.
(JEFF rises and crosses to them. He’s a large man)
JEFF: Yeah, what’s up?
MARCO: Will you tell him it’s a good idea?
JEFF: It’s a good idea.
FRANKIE: Oh shit.
MARCO: Listen.
FRANKIE: I got…
(FRANKIE tries to stand. JEFF stops him. FRANKIE sits back down again)
MARCO: Listen.
FRANKIE: I got…
(FRANKIE tries to stand again, but JEFF stops him. FRANKIE sits back down again)
MARCO: Listen.
(JEFF leans on FRANKIE’s shoulder, keeping him in his seat)
FRANKIE: What?
MARCO: How long have we known each other, Frank? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: What?
MARCO: How long have we known each other, Frank? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: For a couple years. I don’t know, a couple years or s… ow, ow, ow!
(JEFF digs in to FRANKIE’s shoulder)
MARCO: Frankie. How long have we known each other, Frank?
FRANKIE: A couple years or so!
MARCO: Frankie.
FRANKIE: Since elementary school!
MARCO: That’s right. (JEFF relaxes his grip) Since elementary school. And have I ever led
you wrong? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: I don’t know! You… ow, ow, ow!
(JEFF digs in to FRANKIE’s shoulder.)
MARCO: Frankie. (FRANKIE whimpers) How long have we known each other, Frank?
FRANKIE: Since elementary school.
MARCO: That’s right. And have I ever let you down? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: I gotta use the bathroom!
(He wrestles free from JEFF and exits to the bathroom. MARCO opens his mouth to stop
him, but he's gone. He shakes his head and sighs. He turns to JEFF. JEFF sits in
FRANKIE's chair)
MARCO: Well, what did you expect? Full cooperation? Full coop… One hundred percent?
JEFF: You said that he’d be into it.
MARCO: He’s…! (Calming down) He’s just a little nervous. He’s never done this sort of
thing.
JEFF: You said that he would do it.
MARCO: He’s never done this sort of thing!
JEFF: You said that he would jump for the opp…
MARCO: He’s into it, I swear! Look, he’s… (MARCO leans in to him, privately) Frankie’s
kind of different. He isn't like us, Jeff. He’s… different than us. Kind of. You know? Ever
since fifth grade, he’s been kind of sketchy. When we broke into the lunch room and
stole the Hostess’ cupcakes. Ever since then, he's… been kind of sketchy.
(JEFF leans in close to him)
JEFF: He needs to steal the baby.
(Pause. MARCO leans back in his chair. He shifts uncomfortably)
MARCO: He’s into it, I swear.
(FRANKIE enters. His face is wet)
FRANKIE: I… I don’t know how into this I am, guys. (He sees JEFF sitting in his chair) It’s
just… you know… I feel…
JEFF: Do you see that paper over there?
(FRANKIE looks at it)
FRANKIE: I… Yeah, what?
MARCO: Over there.
FRANKIE: I… Yeah, what?
JEFF: Pick it up.
FRANKIE: Pick?
JEFF: It up. The paper. Up. Pick it.
FRANKIE: The paper?
(JEFF punches the table violently)
JEFF: PICK UP THE FUCKING PAPER!!!
MARCO: (Trying to diffuse the situation) Frankie. Pick up the fucking paper.
(FRANKIE does so)
JEFF: You see that article right there? In section 2? (FRANKIE stares at the paper) Right
there. In section 2.
MARCO: Frankie.
JEFF: It’s in section 2. (FRANKIE looks at the paper. JEFF grabs it from him violently)
YOU'RE IN SECTION 1! (He flips to the proper page) You see that article right there? In
section 2?
FRANKIE: Uh-huh.
JEFF: Tell me what it says.
(JEFF sits)
FRANKIE: It… says… “Thanks to modern medicine, Mrs. Samuela Edmonton of West
Covington, Vermont, now has use of… both her kidneys and she couldn’t be more
pleased.”
(JEFF’s head begins to twitch)
MARCO: Um…
FRANKIE: “Doctors at St. Tabitha’s Cathedral of the Holy Cross say success is… greatly
due in part to the donor named Ms… Daisy Parks who passed away two days ago in
Boston, Massachusetts. The close proximity of the donor to…”
JEFF: (Between his teeth) Read the other…
FRANKIE: What? “Donor to…” What?
JEFF: Read the other one.
MARCO: (Keeping his eyes on JEFF) That’s not the article he meant.
FRANKIE: This is section 2.
(JEFF leaps out of his chair, exploding)
JEFF: READ THE OTHER ONE!
(FRANKIE cowers, instantly)
FRANKIE: The one about the baby?
(SAMPLE ENDS HERE - to read the rest of the script, please contact me at click here to email.
Thanks! :O)
my published anthology The Twisted Mind of Daniel Guyton (Poetry and Plays in the Dark
Comedy Vein). If you are interested in reading the whole thing, please contact me at click
here to email. All producers are required to include the author's name on any programs
or advertising in which the title of the play appears. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy the
show!! :O)
-Daniel Guyton
A Friend To All The Little Guys
A Play in One Act by Daniel Guyton ©2002
----------------------------------------
A FRIEND TO ALL THE LITTLE GUYS
FRANKIE MARCO
JEFF WAITRESS
(FRANKIE and MARCO are in a diner, drinking coffee. Two chairs are at their table. JEFF is
hidden in a corner, reading. FRANKIE seems uptight)
FRANKIE: I can’t believe we’re talking about this.
(MARCO sips his coffee. FRANKIE shifts uncomfortably)
MARCO: What do you mean?
FRANKIE: I can’t believe we’re talking about the… the…
MARCO: What?
FRANKIE: The…
MARCO: Listen.
FRANKIE: The…
MARCO: You’re overreacting.
FRANKIE: What do you mean?!?
(MARCO shrugs, calmly)
MARCO: We’re not talking about anything. We’re just… talking.
FRANKIE: Yeah, but…
(MARCO takes FRANKIE’s hand in his)
MARCO: Listen. Nobody’s asking you to get hurt here.
FRANKIE: I’m not…
MARCO: You trust me, right?
(FRANKIE looks for an escape)
FRANKIE: Yeah. I just…
MARCO: Then relax. It’s gonna be fine.
FRANKIE: I just don’t feel right.
MARCO: You’re fine. No one’s gonna know.
FRANKIE: What about…
MARCO: No one.
(Pause)
FRANKIE: What about Jeff?
MARCO: He knows.
FRANKIE: He knows?!?
MARCO: Well, it was his idea.
FRANKIE: Oh god. Oh god. This is stupid.
MARCO: You’re stupid. This is the deal of a lifetime. You’re not gonna get hurt!
FRANKIE: I just…
MARCO: Hang on. (Calling out) Hey, Jeff!
FRANKIE: Oh god!
(FRANKIE sits. JEFF folds down the paper.)
JEFF: Yeah?
FRANKIE: Oh fuck me.
(JEFF rises and crosses to them. He’s a large man)
JEFF: Yeah, what’s up?
MARCO: Will you tell him it’s a good idea?
JEFF: It’s a good idea.
FRANKIE: Oh shit.
MARCO: Listen.
FRANKIE: I got…
(FRANKIE tries to stand. JEFF stops him. FRANKIE sits back down again)
MARCO: Listen.
FRANKIE: I got…
(FRANKIE tries to stand again, but JEFF stops him. FRANKIE sits back down again)
MARCO: Listen.
(JEFF leans on FRANKIE’s shoulder, keeping him in his seat)
FRANKIE: What?
MARCO: How long have we known each other, Frank? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: What?
MARCO: How long have we known each other, Frank? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: For a couple years. I don’t know, a couple years or s… ow, ow, ow!
(JEFF digs in to FRANKIE’s shoulder)
MARCO: Frankie. How long have we known each other, Frank?
FRANKIE: A couple years or so!
MARCO: Frankie.
FRANKIE: Since elementary school!
MARCO: That’s right. (JEFF relaxes his grip) Since elementary school. And have I ever led
you wrong? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: I don’t know! You… ow, ow, ow!
(JEFF digs in to FRANKIE’s shoulder.)
MARCO: Frankie. (FRANKIE whimpers) How long have we known each other, Frank?
FRANKIE: Since elementary school.
MARCO: That’s right. And have I ever let you down? (Small pause) Frankie.
FRANKIE: I gotta use the bathroom!
(He wrestles free from JEFF and exits to the bathroom. MARCO opens his mouth to stop
him, but he's gone. He shakes his head and sighs. He turns to JEFF. JEFF sits in
FRANKIE's chair)
MARCO: Well, what did you expect? Full cooperation? Full coop… One hundred percent?
JEFF: You said that he’d be into it.
MARCO: He’s…! (Calming down) He’s just a little nervous. He’s never done this sort of
thing.
JEFF: You said that he would do it.
MARCO: He’s never done this sort of thing!
JEFF: You said that he would jump for the opp…
MARCO: He’s into it, I swear! Look, he’s… (MARCO leans in to him, privately) Frankie’s
kind of different. He isn't like us, Jeff. He’s… different than us. Kind of. You know? Ever
since fifth grade, he’s been kind of sketchy. When we broke into the lunch room and
stole the Hostess’ cupcakes. Ever since then, he's… been kind of sketchy.
(JEFF leans in close to him)
JEFF: He needs to steal the baby.
(Pause. MARCO leans back in his chair. He shifts uncomfortably)
MARCO: He’s into it, I swear.
(FRANKIE enters. His face is wet)
FRANKIE: I… I don’t know how into this I am, guys. (He sees JEFF sitting in his chair) It’s
just… you know… I feel…
JEFF: Do you see that paper over there?
(FRANKIE looks at it)
FRANKIE: I… Yeah, what?
MARCO: Over there.
FRANKIE: I… Yeah, what?
JEFF: Pick it up.
FRANKIE: Pick?
JEFF: It up. The paper. Up. Pick it.
FRANKIE: The paper?
(JEFF punches the table violently)
JEFF: PICK UP THE FUCKING PAPER!!!
MARCO: (Trying to diffuse the situation) Frankie. Pick up the fucking paper.
(FRANKIE does so)
JEFF: You see that article right there? In section 2? (FRANKIE stares at the paper) Right
there. In section 2.
MARCO: Frankie.
JEFF: It’s in section 2. (FRANKIE looks at the paper. JEFF grabs it from him violently)
YOU'RE IN SECTION 1! (He flips to the proper page) You see that article right there? In
section 2?
FRANKIE: Uh-huh.
JEFF: Tell me what it says.
(JEFF sits)
FRANKIE: It… says… “Thanks to modern medicine, Mrs. Samuela Edmonton of West
Covington, Vermont, now has use of… both her kidneys and she couldn’t be more
pleased.”
(JEFF’s head begins to twitch)
MARCO: Um…
FRANKIE: “Doctors at St. Tabitha’s Cathedral of the Holy Cross say success is… greatly
due in part to the donor named Ms… Daisy Parks who passed away two days ago in
Boston, Massachusetts. The close proximity of the donor to…”
JEFF: (Between his teeth) Read the other…
FRANKIE: What? “Donor to…” What?
JEFF: Read the other one.
MARCO: (Keeping his eyes on JEFF) That’s not the article he meant.
FRANKIE: This is section 2.
(JEFF leaps out of his chair, exploding)
JEFF: READ THE OTHER ONE!
(FRANKIE cowers, instantly)
FRANKIE: The one about the baby?
(SAMPLE ENDS HERE - to read the rest of the script, please contact me at click here to email.
Thanks! :O)