Here is my 10-minute play, Spat! Please note that this play has been published, and is
protected under full copyright laws by Original Works Publishing and the United States
government. It is unlawful to copy or reproduce this script without the permission and
consent of Daniel Guyton or Original Works Publishing. The performance rights to this play
are also controlled by OWP, and royalty arrangements and licenses must be secured well
in advance of presentation. If you are interested in producing this play, please contact
Original Works Publishing via www.originalworksonline.com, or at 4912 Tujunga Ave. Suite
#4 North Hollywood, CA 91601, or Daniel Guyton at www.danguyton.com for the
performance rights. Please give the number of performances intended, dates of production,
your seating capacity and admission fee. Due authorship credit must be given on all
programs, printing and advertising for the play. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy the show!
SPAT! (Motel Scenes: Part I)
A 10-Minute Play by Daniel Guyton ©2001
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SCENE 1
MARK and WANDA in a motel room. They are dressed elegantly, but
disheveled, as if caught in a fight before they could go to dinner. The
bed she’s sitting on is rumpled, and the pillows are on the floor. He is
standing, facing away from her. His hands are clenched in fists.
MARK: I hate you.
WANDA: I hate you more.
MARK: You’re a slut.
WANDA: You’re a worthless cock hole!
MARK fights back a tear. He turns away.
MARK: I can’t believe you fucked the waiter.
WANDA: I told you, I…
WANDA (Cont'd): I didn’t know he was a waiter.
MARK: I don’t care if he’s a waiter or not! I just can’t believe you fucked him!
WANDA: Oh, don’t worry. He wasn’t very good.
MARK: You’re a slut.
WANDA: You already said that.
MARK: Yeah well…
MARK (Cont'd): I meant it.
WANDA: You’re an asshole.
MARK: Oh yeah? Well, at least I didn’t fuck the waiter!
WANDA: I don't think he's your type.
MARK: I hate you.
WANDA: You hate everyone.
MARK: I hate you more.
WANDA: More than the waiter?
MARK: Well, no. I…
MARK (Cont'd): I hate him more.
WANDA: Why?
MARK: What?
WANDA: I mean, seriously, why do you even care? You never pay attention to
me anyway.
MARK: I’ve been busy!
WANDA: So have I.
MARK: Yeah, you’ve been busy, all right. Busy with the waiter.
WANDA: I hate you.
MARK: Oh, don’t turn this around on me! I hate you a hell of a lot more than
you could ever hate me!
MARK (Cont'd): You wanna know how much I hate you?
WANDA: How much?
MARK: More than words can say.
WANDA: More than words can say?
MARK: Even more than that! I hate you so much that if you weren’t my wife,
I'd… I’d punch you!
WANDA: Go ahead! I’m easy! An easy target. Hit me! It’s nothing worse than
the shit you’ve been saying lately anyway!
MARK: Like what?
WANDA: Like, you know, um, how about, “You’re gettin pretty big for that outfit,
ya know. Why don’t you start joggin?” And, “Sorry I missed the anniversary. It
was a big board meeting. What’s for dinner?” And, “I don’t know why I ever
married you in the first place, you big fat ass!”
She throws herself into the bed and starts to cry.
MARK: I never said that!
WANDA: Yeah, but you meant it! I could see it in your eyes! The last time we
made love! The last time we showered together! I could see your look. Of
absolute disgust. I know you hate me. You despise me! You never say anything
nice about my body!
MARK: Well, look at it. I mean, you…
WANDA: Urgh! And you wonder why I slept with Paco!
WANDA (Cont'd): It’s because he treats me nice. He always buys me things! He
may not speak English very well, but he knows how to treat a woman!
MARK: His name is Paco?
WANDA: Yes, Paco!
MARK: That rhymes with taco. How could you sleep with a man whose name
rhymes with taco?
WANDA: You are so heartless!
MARK: You’re a slut.
WANDA: Will you stop saying that!?!
MARK: If the shoe fits…
WANDA: The shoe does NOT fit! I am not a slut! I am a woman with needs!
MARK: You’re a woman with mental problems. AND you’re a slut.
She storms around, fuming.
WANDA: Oooogh!!! I hate you!
MARK: I hate that you’re a slut.
She slaps him hard across the face.
WANDA: I hate that you even live.
MARK: You slap me again and I’ll…
WANDA: You’ll what? You’ll fix your car? You’ll drive around for three hours?
You’ll call your mom and cry like a baby cuz you can’t keep your “bitch” in line?
Huh? What’s the matter? Mama’s not here to make you pasta fagioule?
MARK: I hate you.
WANDA: You’re an imbecile.
MARK: You’re a slut.
WANDA: WILL YOU STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT?!?
MARK: You’re a whore?
She shrieks and runs at him wildly. They wrestle. He casts her aside like
a rag doll. She hits the bed and bounces to the floor. He starts to
chuckle.
MARK: That was fun. We should do that again sometime.
She sits up from behind the bed. Her hair is wild and demonic.
WANDA: I hate you.
Lights out. End of scene.
SCENE 2.
The same motel room, earlier in the night. WANDA is standing, dressed
up very nicely. Her hair is neat and orderly. PACO is sitting on the bed.
He is dressed up like a waiter. He stares straight ahead with his hands
upon his knees. He dare not look at her.
WANDA: Beautiful evening, isn’t it?
PACO: Yes. Yes, it ees.
She looks at him. She turns back through the window, wistfully.
WANDA: Don’t you love it when the stars come up? Out there over the
highway? It’s like angels floating over the River Styx. It’s beautiful, I think.
PACO: Yes. Yes, it ees.
WANDA: Thank you for the watch you bought me. It’s very beautiful.
PACO: Yes. Yes it –
She throws herself at his feet.
WANDA: Oh Paco! Why did you have to come into my life like this? Don’t you
know I’m married?!?
She kisses him passionately on the lips. He does not move. She pulls
away.
WANDA (Cont'd): Oh, I’m so confused!
She buries her head into his lap. He remains still, unable to look at her.
PACO: I… I have work in twenty mee-nits.
WANDA: I know! I know! Your lunch break is just so short! Time is like a dagger
ripping through my heart.
Her head remains in his lap. She begins to cry mournfully.
WANDA (Cont'd) Oh, Paco. Your crotch is just so warm. Your arms so
muscular. My body aches for you! I thirst for you. I can’t go to sleep without
your face emblazoned in my mind.
PACO: I… I have something een my pocket.
WANDA: Oh yes. I can feel it.
PACO: No, eet’s… eet’s something else.
WANDA: Oh? What ees it? I mean… it? I mean… yeah.
PACO: Eet’s… Hang on.
He reaches in his pocket. She moves her head.
PACO (Cont'd): Here.
He pulls out a ring. She gasps. He looks at her for the first time.
PACO (Cont'd): Thees… thees was my mah-thers. I want you to have eet.
WANDA: (In amazement.) Paco?
PACO: Si?
WANDA: Are you… Is this what I think it means?
PACO: Si.
WANDA: Oh, Paco! I… I don’t know what to say. I’m already
married!
He lowers his head sadly.
PACO: Si.
WANDA: Does this mean you love me?
PACO: Si.
WANDA: Oh Paco!
She kisses him on the lips.
WANDA (Cont'd): When you’re around, I feel giddy as a schoolgirl. I simply lose
myself!
He puts his hand upon her breast. He smiles broadly and nods.
PACO: Si.
Lights out. End of scene.
SCENE 3.
The same motel room, earlier in the day. MARK is putting on his shirt
and tie. WANDA is changing her blouse. They are getting ready for the
day.
MARK: Well? Are you glad to be here?
WANDA: Yeah. It’s nice.
MARK: Well, you begged me to take you with me. Are you glad you came?
WANDA: Yeah. I am.
WANDA (Cont'd): I mean, it’s like our honeymoon.
MARK: Right. Seriously, I don’t know what you like about this city. It’s the same
thing everywhere.
WANDA: Because it’s nice, ok? I just like coming here. Why do you always
gotta fight?
MARK: I’m not fighting. I’m just wondering, that’s all. I hope you can find stuff to
do while I’m at my meeting.
WANDA: I’ll find stuff to do.
MARK: It’s not like you know anybody here.
WANDA: I’ll go shopping.
MARK: Oh god. What did you do? Outgrow the other clothes you own?
WANDA: Fuck you.
MARK: Oh, please. Listen, I’ll be out of my meeting around seven, all right? We’
ll go out to dinner then.
She stands with her arms folded.
MARK (Cont'd): Oh come on. I was kidding. We’ll go to that same place we
always go to, ok? La Casa de Bagno.
WANDA: Whatever.
MARK: Oh, come on. Look, I’m glad you’re here. Ok? I’m just… I’m upset that
we can’t spend more time together. Really. Now, give me a kiss.
MARK (Cont'd): Come on, don’t make me beg. Please? I gotta go.
She kisses him on the cheek, reluctantly.
MARK (Cont'd): I should be out around seven. I’ll call if I’m gonna be late.
MARK (Cont'd): Oh, and don’t spend too much, ok? This place is already
costing me a fortune!
He exits. She waits a moment, then picks up the phone and dials.
WANDA: Paco? Hello, Paco? It’s me. Yeah, I’m back in town. Same place I
stayed in last time. Come on over, stud.
Lights out. End of scene.
SCENE 4.
Same motel room, later in the night. This scene takes place between
Scenes 1 and 2. WANDA and PACO are in bed together. They have just
finished making love. PACO is staring straight into the sky, a little
overwhelmed.
WANDA: Oh Paco. You were wonderful.
PACO: I… I have work in ten mee-nits.
WANDA: I know. I know, Paco! But please don’t leave me now! I can’t get
enough of you. You're just so sweet, and handsome. And you make love like
an animal!
PACO: Si.
WANDA: Is there… is there someone else you love, Paco? Is there another
woman?
PACO: (Sadly) Love? Me? No. No, I no love.
WANDA: You no love?
PACO: No. I… I no love.
WANDA: But, you love me, though, right? You love me?
PACO: Oh, si. Si!
WANDA: Oh Paco, you’re an angel! An absolute angel…
She nuzzles up to him, sweetly. MARK bursts into the room.
MARK: What the hell is this?
WANDA: Mark!
MARK: Who is this?!?
PACO jumps out of bed, wrapped up in the blanket.
PACO: I… I…
WANDA: That’s the waiter! He was just… delivering some salad!
MARK: Salad?!? What kind of salad?
PACO: (Helpfully) Tossed.
PACO (Cont'd): Aiyyyeeeeee!
PACO leaps on the bed. WANDA leaps on MARK. PACO runs to the
door. MARK tosses WANDA to the bed.
PACO (Cont'd): Oh no, your hah-sband’s loco, lady! And so are you! I just
wanted a green card, but you know what? Fahck you! I no want to marry no fat
beetch anyway!
He runs off. WANDA sits up on the bed, stung.
WANDA: (Softly) Paco…
MARK faces away from her. He clenches his hands into fists.
MARK: I hate you.
Spat!
(Motel Scenes: Part I)
